let's be normal. is that it? is that what u want? but i dont feel i'm ready yet to give up. maybe there's really some1 who can live my imagination with me. maybe i am silly but let me be silly this once more. i'm already on the verge of giving up, just dont push me further. i dont want to short change u, but more than not, i dont want to short change myself. if u can see through my eyes and share my dreams, then maybe i wont be as irritating or destructive or troublesome as u think i am now. maybe.
Friday, March 18, 2005
something abt how the jay chou CD wanyuan burnt for me always makes me feel especially dreamy. not tt i shdnt be. now's only 7 plus in the morning. sometimes u wake up in the morning feeling nice and lazy. but other times u really hafta wake up preparing for battle on the day. n today is one such day. all e tuitions, all the pleasantries. days like these, u must really try to find little things to spur u on. in OCS, in army actually, the reason was always always you. guess that's what made me so volatile. try thinking of nothing but one person. u'll get obsessed too. today's terence however, will be spurred on by his V-cut! his 6230! that will be my mission for today. and of cos to try my luck at being a successful teacher. my one resolution for this yr, As for both my students, one of which i dont even know the name yet. *hah*
i realise blogging has a kind of calming effect on me. i guess everytime i can fully open up, i will be calmed. there's this emptiness. but dont get me wrong. i love this feeling. stable. rational. comforted. guys need tt too trust me.
3/18/2005 03:19:00 PM
sometimes u catch yourself wondering why. and then u start feeling confused all over again. i miss my friends. i miss being able to tell you everything and anything. nowadays it feels like everything is a loaded qn, a loaded answer. i guess sometimes getting too involved in some1 makes it harder for there to be openess btw the two. being close and being involved is v different. i miss my close friends. i've nv been in this situation before. begging for people's attention. begging for them to come back. sometimes i feel lonely and i know exactly why but i cant do anything abt it. just hope tt somehow someone out there hears my silent cry for help. i fear we can nv truly run away from being an individual. our own individual. sorry dear. dont pout. it was always a fairytale. worse still, i wonder if the friends who have left me have changed too, and i'm only holding on to them in my imagination preserving them as they were. pls stay the same yuting. pls stay the same jh. otherwise what little left of everything will truly be gone. no magic. stupid terence.
3/18/2005 06:45:00 AM
